Ideally the husband/wife relationship implies there will be honesty and candor even after a separation. Unfortunately, not all judges are willing to reinforce those standards rigorously. Nevertheless, common sense and fair play dictate the following guidelines which I provide to all of my clients:

• Lying, gross misrepresentation and lawbreaking are forbidden.
• Eavesdropping, electronic spying or threatening the well being of your spouse can never be condoned.
• If you have a question as to whether your conduct is approaching unethical behavior, you should stop. Always tell the truth.
• Non-disclosure or material misrepresentation can result in court sanctions, and will certainly result in the case going to trial rather than being negotiated.
• Avoid over-zealous behaviors.
• If you believe your spouse is lying or concealing facts, test the waters of your belief by asking questions for which you already know the answers. You can learn quite a bit from your spouse's physical reactions to these questions, and even more from the responses.
• Inevitably, negotiation does involve "bluffing" behaviors. Bluffing carries its own risks, including the risk of losing credibility if your bluff is called.
• Even exaggeration, which is a back door form of bluffing, can backfire. I recommend understanding your position. Understatement is a far more persuasive negotiating technique than exaggeration.

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