How well your client does in direct negotiations is, in part, related to the client's self image. If he or she has a high self regard, typically this client will set high standards, including expectations of how well he or she will do in negotiations. Particularly in divorce cases where self image plays such an important role in outcome, the client's personal standards are a measure of how committed the client is to attaining his or her negotiation goal. It is not merely a wish, but an unconciously expressed intention to get where the client plans to go. The higher the client's self image, the higher the standards and, most likely, the goals.
Why is this important? First of all, because studies have shown that people with high expectations get higher negotiated settlements. Those who expect less are willing to settle for less, and they inevitably will get less. Also, because divorce so often implies failure, impinging on the client's sense of self respect, the client's goals and risk-taking ability may be inappropriately low. Not unexpectedly, clients with low self-esteem should not be encouraged to enter into direct spousal negotiations until their self-image is improved. Oftentimes, a client with low self esteem will obtain a result that does not reflect the standards of justice. That is one instance when high lawyer intervention is a must. Remember that your opponent's goal, whether overt or unconscious, is to reduce your client's aspiration levels.
On the other hand, if your client has a well developed ego and a high self-image, the client's personal goals and aspirations may exceed what the legal standards would allow. Divorce can be especially difficult for risk takers and highly successful entrepreneurs used to getting their own way. With their negotiating goals and styles exceeding the legal standards, they can quickly develop feelings of hopelessness, frustration, and even anger. They tend to deadlock in negotiations, because they aspire for too much. They too, need the honest and careful judgment of a lawyer to "bring them back down to earth".
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