Divorcing husbands often feel that life has gone out of control, as they figure out how to stay involved with their children while trying to settle into a small apartment. The divorcing wife can feel intimidated by being in a less powerful economic position than her husband. These attitudes can be fatal to negotiations, unless the person "out of power" can overcome the feelings of being overwhelmed. To make negotiations possible, it is wise to consider involving a therapist. Go slow; set goals. Most people who are getting a divorce no longer trust their spouses. Once trust is lost, it becomes more difficult for couples to say what they really mean. Each imputes the worst motives to the other, misreads what the other is saying, and generally exaggerates the meaning of events. To overcome these situational biases, the client must be encouraged to develop new lines of communication. Often, this can be accomplished with the assistance of a good therapist.
Divorce counseling can help to:
Involving a therapist in the negotiation process can pay high dividends. More than once, I have witnessed therapist help a client reach awareness of self-defeating behaviors that interfere with effective negotiations. Therapists are trained in resolving couple conflict, enhancing the flow of communication between the couples, and teaching coping skills in emergency situations such as divorce. They can be excellent partners and coaches.