Imbalance of Power

Imbalance between the spouses, whether it be in their perceptions of their power over the other, or in their ability to respond in a sensitive way to the needs of the other spouse, is a srong impediment to successful negotiations. An example of disparate power is the "dumpee" who is likely to feel psychologically less powerful than the initiator of the divorce, in terms of either self confidence or feelings of well-being. (Here, however, the balance could be struck by that same "dumpee's" ability to induce guilt, which is yet another source of power).

Disparate sensitivity can show up in emotions. A study shows that divorced women admit to being more depressed, more anxious, and generally more miserable than do divorced men. They are also more likely to seek counseling and their suicide rates are lower than those for men. In all likelihood, men suffer as much as women in the divorce, but are more likely to deny their distress or seek non-personal ways of coping (such as alcohol abuse) that may actually create more problems than they solve.

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Lowell Halverson halvl@accessone.com
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