For most divorcing couples, criticism, insults and negative behavior mark the interaction just prior to the decision to divorce. Suffice it to say, being in conflict does not promote mutual support in a couple. An enmeshed couple may engage in destructive conflict, even threats or violence, and their extreme ambivalence may produce endless inconclusive arguments about whether or not to get a divorce. Autistic couples are just the opposite. Their non-reactive behaviors may include an almost phobic avoidance of conflict, and virtually no discussion of the possibility of divorce.

In both kinds of couples, the spouses avoid each other both physically and emotionally until one of them unilaterally announces that the marriage is over. For couples like this, where communication is shut down and there is a very high level of destructive conflict and anxiety, it is not surprising during the settlement process if one of them, just prior to signing off on the documents, has an unanticipated outburst, announcing explosively that, "I am not going to sign!".

If the divorcing couple is relatively unsophisticated in negotiations, i.e. on a single track "win/lose" speedway, is ignorant about the basic details of the family finances, or has no well formulated goals, negotiations are going to be difficult. For such couples, the lawyer can be of great assistance, especially in teaching the client good negotiating skills.

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