While a certain amount of anger and conflict is endemic to the divorce process, it can escalate to destructive proportions. What brings about destructive levels of spousal conflict? The following are some primary causes:

Lack of mutuality, or "reactive dumping"

It is important to know who makes the decision to divorce. If one spouse feels "dumped", he or she may obstruct the negotiating process and sabotage the final agreement in hopes the unwanted dissolution can be avoided.

Individual events, or "guilt and blame"

Conflict can arise from financial issues, upset children, guilt over leaving, jealousy of other relationships, etc.

Separation distress

Some partners find it very distressing to separate from their spouse. One study shows that individual negotiation was more difficult for 33% of people who still had a strong attachment to their mates. By contrast, only 3.3% of those with moderate attachment to their spouse had difficulty negotiating. High attachment encourages conduct from the "dumpee" in the form of procrastination, obstruction, and continued destructive fighting, all in the interest of maintaining the marriage.

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